Time Machine


Fix problems you didn’t see coming, and create new paradoxes with this time machine rental. We actually wrote this description next year, but it’s just as relevant today. Dazzle your friends, witness your own birth, and then realize that things were perfect before you traveled back in time to fix them.

This time machine uses subatomic wormhole recombination to facilitate large-object time travel. Objects with as much as 300Kg of mass can pass through with only a few hundred petajoules of energy. Of course, time travel is dangerous, and should only be attempted by trained personnel. Side effects include headaches and spontaneous molecular distortion.

Please use with caution. We require insurance for this rental. Protective eyewear is recommended.

Rental Prices

$7995 for 1 day
$10995 up to 700 years
$795 return before rental starts
Call or email for availability.

Suggested accessories:
Large Hadron Collider